I called Dell. After about half an hour, the agent gave up saying that his system wasn’t working and he couldn’t make the request. I asked if he would call back when his system came up. He said sure and confirmed my phone number. Of course, he did not call back.

Six hours later I called back. There was no record of the discussion, of course. I went through it all again on a very long phone call (about 1.5 hours). Finally, he gave in and ordered a return to depot box. It was in the evening, so I expected it on Thursday, not Wednesday. This is Small Business support and they normally ship things overnight.

Come Friday morning, we had not received the box. I got online with Dell chat support. The repair order had been cancelled! After about half an hour or so, the order was reinstated and we were good to go.

Of course, we weren’t. Come Monday, Sept. 22 , the box didn’t arrive. Late Monday evening I contacted Dell and got a tracking number. Damn! It was DHL. They had an expected delivery of Monday. Except that they failed to get it to their delivery courier – they don’t deliver to here directly. After watching the DHL status anxiously, it finally got out on the courier Thursday and got to us. That’s six days in transit. Of course, this is DHL. That’s their definition of overnight.

We placed the laptop in the box and scheduled for a pickup. Although it was 3PM, we couldn’t get it picked up Thursday. I understand we’re not near a DHL location, so that’s not unexpected. Except that they didn’t arrive Friday. I had to call them and all they had to say was that it had be rescheduled. Gee, thanks.

I got back on with Dell to complain and find out how long it would take in the repair depot and if that could be expedited. 7-10 working days. Yeah. I used to be able to call up Dell on a Monday and have a working laptop back by Thursday. Those days are LONG gone.

Finally, DHL did pick up the box late Monday evening, now Sept. 29th. I checked in with Dell that Wednesday to see if they had received the box. They had no real record of receiving the laptop, but claimed that they received in the 29th. Obviously, that wasn’t true. I then asked for it to be expedited again, considering how long it had been. This time they said the normal turnaround was 3-5 working days. Uh huh.

That night I got an automated call saying the depot had just received the laptop. Did support lie to me? Or was the automated system slow? Who knows. At least they had it.

The next night, now Thursday October 2nd, I received a surprise call. The laptop was being done and being shipped out! Now I was hoping the automated call was delayed and it had been shipped earlier in the day. I had a tracking number. DHL. Again. It wasn’t picked up from Dell until Friday. Luckily, it would be here Monday. Except, of course, it wasn’t.

Come Monday, it was still sitting at a transfer station. Come Tuesday, it went out via a local courier. Except it wasn’t delivered. Every other carrier, including FedEx, UPS, and USPS, will deliver to our doorstep even if they don’t get us. Not DHL. And guess what the notice said? Two day shipping. So that’s what Dell meant by expediting it. Ship it the slow way. Thanks.

It also said they’d try delivery again in two days. Yep, such wonderful DHL service. Finally, on Thursday, Oct. 9, my wife’s laptop was back. Dell replaced the motherboard and, as a bonus, the keyboard. So far, it seems to work.

Amazing customer service, huh? (Amazingly bad, on both counts.) Thanks, Dell, for not handling my first call, cancelling my second, and using DHL – the worst shipping carrier possible. Thanks, DHL, for living up to my expectations as the worst shipping carrier possible. (I honestly don’t think I’ve had a single DHL shipment that didn’t have some problem or delay.) Finally, I’d like to thank both companies for allowing my wife to be without her work laptop for over three weeks.

Portions of the above image used with permission from Aral Balkan.

Side note: The actual support people I contacted at Dell and DHL were always nice. It’s not the people on the phone that cause the problems. It would have been nice if, at either company, they had more power to actually resolve the issues, but they don’t. I don’t blame them for that shortcoming; just Dell and DHL for their policies.